Generally, the essay is informative and it answers to the question given. There is little use of transitions between the paragraphs, but the flow of the essay is smooth. In the introduction paragraph, the two points are clearly stated at the end of the first paragraph, which is the thesis statement. The thesis statement is “Apart from removing and storing carbon to prevent climate change, the other two reasons why human should fight climate change along side with nature are (i) natural ecosystems can save and sustain lives (ii) nature still have a large untapped potential that humans can leech on.”
The second paragraph is elaborating on (ii) nature still have a large untapped potential that humans can leech on. I think that the paragraphs structure will be much better if the writer elaborates on (i) natural ecosystems can save and sustain lives before (ii). The last sentence of the second paragraph confused me. Does the inspiration of technological breakthroughs a supporting detail for point (ii)?
Paragraph three is well written and elaborated. Citings are decently done. In the conclusion paragraph, the purpose of the essay is re-inforced and the two points, (i) and (ii) are stated again. That is well-organised. A suggestion from me is to structure the sentences well, as some sentences are too long. Lastly, references are neatly done.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
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