review on Jianhui's WA2

Generally, the structure of the argumentative essay is quite organised. Some points to take note are grammar, sentence structure, and missing of transition words. There are quite a number of fragments present too. For example, in the first paragraph, the first and second sentence has the same problem (fragment).

Statistics and evidence are quite enough, which support the reason well. There are many citations; this shows that research has been done quite in depth.

In the second paragraph, fragments are present too. There are a few tense mistakes such as “to be use”. It should be “to be used” instead. Third paragraph, which is arguing the point of safety aspect, has little evidence. I think the evidence is needed to be elaborated more.

In conclusion, the reasons of arguments are stated clearly and the essay is organized. The writer just need to tidy up the grammar, fragments, and to elaborate the evidence more in depth.